Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
