she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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