when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
