It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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