You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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