The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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