I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
there was a trapeze. enough said
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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