Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
being pregnant is like rehab
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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