Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize