the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
