im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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