I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize