hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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