i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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