Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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