I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
