fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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