So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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