Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
