Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize