Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
