Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize