38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
