Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
