Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
