She said her name was "party"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
