The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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