I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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