I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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