when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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