if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
