you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
