K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
