He asked to "fluff my boner.."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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