And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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