I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I love you. Go after that dick
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
