the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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