You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
