i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
