No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
