i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He shit in the fireplace
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
