eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
