i just wanna soil my oats bro
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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