First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
