smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
