oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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