when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
