She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize