No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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