I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
