I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
