I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize