Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
