So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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