My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
