bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
