pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
