im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
