I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
