Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
