haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
