Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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