absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
