fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize