next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize