My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
