Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
