I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
